Category: submission

So, this is the first session of our campaign. There’s a fountain in the middle of the map.

Garry that guard decides to do a backflip, just because. He rolls an 18 and lands it.

The next player says, I’m gonna do a front flip!! He’s playing a paladin, with -7 acrobatics, and also he’s standing in the fountain.

He rolls a 3. His character starts the front flip, lands on his face, and starts drowning.

Later on, we’re now in a back room, all of us but Garry. So, he busts down the door, looks around, and attempts a backflip.

He rolls a 1.

And face plants. He gets up and tries again.

Rolls a 1. Face plants again, and we decide to tie him up, for his own good, when he decides to do another backflip.

He’s tied up in a chair, with a -3 acrobatics.

He rOLLS A 20, DM rolls a 6 on a d6, and hE LANDS THE FLIP.

Redemption, and the language of backflip was born.

So, this is the first session of our campaign. There’s a fountain in the middle of the map.

Garry that guard decides to do a backflip, just because. He rolls an 18 and lands it.

The next player says, I’m gonna do a front flip!! He’s playing a paladin, with -7 acrobatics, and also he’s standing in the fountain.

He rolls a 3. His character starts the front flip, lands on his face, and starts drowning.

Later on, we’re now in a back room, all of us but Garry. So, he busts down the door, looks around, and attempts a backflip.

He rolls a 1.

And face plants. He gets up and tries again.

Rolls a 1. Face plants again, and we decide to tie him up, for his own good, when he decides to do another backflip.

He’s tied up in a chair, with a -3 acrobatics.

He rOLLS A 20, DM rolls a 6 on a d6, and hE LANDS THE FLIP.

Redemption, and the language of backflip was born.

    So, first couple session of a new campaign, and we had a teifling swashbuckler, a halfling bard, and (my character) Perun, a firbolg cleric. Due to the slower walking speed of the halfling and the carrying capacity of Perun, the halfling typically rode on my shoulder.

     Anyways, one evening we are in a small tavern run by a Dragonborn lady, near my character’s size, trying to get mead and a place to sleep. The entire conversation the halfling character is trying to get me to hit on her and is making lewd suggestions and puns, much to the amusement of all of us around the table. However due to Perun’s low charisma and outlander background he gets embarrassed and barely get’s food. As the tavern lady walks away, she scoffs to the halfling, “Not scaly enough for me”

     Next day with the embarrassment behind, the party sets out along a path that eventual has a group of kobolds picking over dead bodies. In my wisdom Perun, uses thaumaturgy to increase his voice and screams in Giant at the kobolds, causing roughly a third to run away without looking our way. The halfling in my ear immediately says, “That definitely tipped the scales”. Perun (who may have some rage issues) immediately tossed her towards the remaining kobold. This immediately killed the kobold and scattered the rest. It started our use of the new move called the “Half-Fling”.

    So, first couple session of a new campaign, and we had a teifling swashbuckler, a halfling bard, and (my character) Perun, a firbolg cleric. Due to the slower walking speed of the halfling and the carrying capacity of Perun, the halfling typically rode on my shoulder.

     Anyways, one evening we are in a small tavern run by a Dragonborn lady, near my character’s size, trying to get mead and a place to sleep. The entire conversation the halfling character is trying to get me to hit on her and is making lewd suggestions and puns, much to the amusement of all of us around the table. However due to Perun’s low charisma and outlander background he gets embarrassed and barely get’s food. As the tavern lady walks away, she scoffs to the halfling, “Not scaly enough for me”

     Next day with the embarrassment behind, the party sets out along a path that eventual has a group of kobolds picking over dead bodies. In my wisdom Perun, uses thaumaturgy to increase his voice and screams in Giant at the kobolds, causing roughly a third to run away without looking our way. The halfling in my ear immediately says, “That definitely tipped the scales”. Perun (who may have some rage issues) immediately tossed her towards the remaining kobold. This immediately killed the kobold and scattered the rest. It started our use of the new move called the “Half-Fling”.

So this wasn’t really during a campaign but my DnD buddies were messing around on Discord and my friend (who’s character’s name is Deltas) said something along the lines of “Deltas is currently crying in the club rn” and I replied with “Korthos is laughing in the club rn because he doesn’t know how to react to social situations”. Keep in mind that Korthos is a rogue lizardfolk, and lizardfolk tend to not understand emotions or feelings aside from aggression, pleasure, and fear. I then proceeded to talk as Korthos, saying “Why are you wasting fluids, Deltas? You can use them later.” Deltas replies with “Why would I use tears?”, to which Korthos replies with “To rehydrate, Deltas”. Deltas then cries even harder, to which Korthos laughs harder.

So this wasn’t really during a campaign but my DnD buddies were messing around on Discord and my friend (who’s character’s name is Deltas) said something along the lines of “Deltas is currently crying in the club rn” and I replied with “Korthos is laughing in the club rn because he doesn’t know how to react to social situations”. Keep in mind that Korthos is a rogue lizardfolk, and lizardfolk tend to not understand emotions or feelings aside from aggression, pleasure, and fear. I then proceeded to talk as Korthos, saying “Why are you wasting fluids, Deltas? You can use them later.” Deltas replies with “Why would I use tears?”, to which Korthos replies with “To rehydrate, Deltas”. Deltas then cries even harder, to which Korthos laughs harder.

Things to note: Okay, so this was me and my sister’s first time playing dungeons and dragons with my sis as dm. So, this was supposed to be a trial session, nothing more. Also, this happened last year so I may not remember a few things correctly. The events were like this.

So I, a bronze dragonborn rogue, got separated from my party aka kidnapped. I wake up in a cell, all of my weapons and equipment gone save for my lock picking kit except the only thing inside was a pin and something else that I couldn’t remember.

Either way, useless.

However, I didn’t give up. I was getting out. I managed to find out that a wall was hollow thanks to a good investigation roll. I managed to break my fingers from trying to break the wall (thanks dice). I resorted to hitting it with my tail, which actually worked. The wall finally gave out, revealing a corridor.

So, I go down there in the dark. Eventually I come across a fork. After investigating one corridor, which turned out to lead to a kitchen, I went to the other one.

So, imagine this: huge metal door, like those fancy huge ones that you see in castles, with this hatch. So I approach it and before I could do anything, the hatch opens and an eye pears out, it looks around before finally spotting me.

“Password?” A voice asks.

Now, I could simply say that I got lost and leave but nah. I was feeling adventurous and curious. So, I said that I was with someone. Voice asks me who I was with.

Guess what name I used.

“Enyo.” I confidently lied. “Enyo Fez.”

Yes. I actually said that. I didn’t expect the guy to fall for it. Hell, I got a bad roll. By some miracle, my sister’s roll was lower. In other news, he fell for it, there was an actual Enyo Fez inside and I am mistaken for the guy’s date. So I decided to roll with it even though I’m not dressed appropriately and I have a hand with broken fingers.

Two things I realized when I entered:
1) This was one of those parties where people get together to hook up. (I know there’s a name for it but I can’t put my finger on it)

2) This was full of monsters and villains. Yes. It was a Villains Gala or something.

So, I’m being led to my table, I’m white as a sheet after realizing that one wrong move could get me killed and also the fact some people (probably already tipsy) were either giving me the bedroom eyes or flirting with me. I even got someone’s number.

Eventually I reach my date’s table. Dragonborn, just like me only red, only more appropriately dressed, rather good-looking in Dragonborn standards.

This is where things get foggy but all I know is that thanks to the dice, he actually thought I was his date. I guess this was the first time he gets to meet his date face to face. He even had a picture of his date and I managed to lie that apparently ‘I had trouble getting dates because I was a dragonborn’ or something and he fell for it. We even waltzed, by the way. It was fake and magical at the same time.

Cue my sister telling me to roll for perception (I think it was). I made a good roll and I found out that “my” date was absolutely smitten. Crap.

Then he leads me away from the crowd and to this huge fancy window which shows a starry night and a bright full moon. I already had a bad feeling about it and turns out I was right. He was gonna confess that he likes me or was about to when a waiter came over to give him a letter.

A letter from his actual date who was apparently too sick to come.

While he was reading it out loud, I pulled a Cinderella and snuck the hell out of there and to a nearby fire exit which led outside. My sister added that I accidentally dropped my lock picking kit, which had my initials engraved on it, which my date picked up. And kept. Yeah. It turned into the world’s stupidest Cinderella story.

But wait, it gets stupider.

I managed to reach the inn where my party was. I told them a bit of what happened, leaving the date out because no you did NOT need to know about that. I get my fingers patched up, have dinner and hit the sack but before I do, I chat with my estranged family via this crystal ball (borrowed from one of my groupmates) that my sister came up as the verse’s version of a phone.

Anyway, I tell them what happened again leaving out the date part. Apparently, there have been missing person’s reports and rumors about this secret place where they serve people to the guest. You can guess where this is going.

So, I gave my dad, who was head of the investigation, the number that I got, which apparently belonged to a crime boss, I think. He said his thanks and we parted. I hit the sack.

So the next day, I read the paper. So, the place got invaded by my dad’s forces. A lot of people either died or got arrested. Few managed to escape. One of those that escaped was Enyo, who, thanks to my sister’s adlib, was apparently a dark paladin of Tiamat. I used to be an acolyte of Bahamut, her enemy, before I dropped out.

Unfortunately, the plot was so good, it needed to be continued. And that’s how we accidentally made a trial session into a full on session. All because I accidentally seduced the Right Hand Man of the Final Boss my sister was planning.

Things to note: Okay, so this was me and my sister’s first time playing dungeons and dragons with my sis as dm. So, this was supposed to be a trial session, nothing more. Also, this happened last year so I may not remember a few things correctly. The events were like this.

So I, a bronze dragonborn rogue, got separated from my party aka kidnapped. I wake up in a cell, all of my weapons and equipment gone save for my lock picking kit except the only thing inside was a pin and something else that I couldn’t remember.

Either way, useless.

However, I didn’t give up. I was getting out. I managed to find out that a wall was hollow thanks to a good investigation roll. I managed to break my fingers from trying to break the wall (thanks dice). I resorted to hitting it with my tail, which actually worked. The wall finally gave out, revealing a corridor.

So, I go down there in the dark. Eventually I come across a fork. After investigating one corridor, which turned out to lead to a kitchen, I went to the other one.

So, imagine this: huge metal door, like those fancy huge ones that you see in castles, with this hatch. So I approach it and before I could do anything, the hatch opens and an eye pears out, it looks around before finally spotting me.

“Password?” A voice asks.

Now, I could simply say that I got lost and leave but nah. I was feeling adventurous and curious. So, I said that I was with someone. Voice asks me who I was with.

Guess what name I used.

“Enyo.” I confidently lied. “Enyo Fez.”

Yes. I actually said that. I didn’t expect the guy to fall for it. Hell, I got a bad roll. By some miracle, my sister’s roll was lower. In other news, he fell for it, there was an actual Enyo Fez inside and I am mistaken for the guy’s date. So I decided to roll with it even though I’m not dressed appropriately and I have a hand with broken fingers.

Two things I realized when I entered:
1) This was one of those parties where people get together to hook up. (I know there’s a name for it but I can’t put my finger on it)

2) This was full of monsters and villains. Yes. It was a Villains Gala or something.

So, I’m being led to my table, I’m white as a sheet after realizing that one wrong move could get me killed and also the fact some people (probably already tipsy) were either giving me the bedroom eyes or flirting with me. I even got someone’s number.

Eventually I reach my date’s table. Dragonborn, just like me only red, only more appropriately dressed, rather good-looking in Dragonborn standards.

This is where things get foggy but all I know is that thanks to the dice, he actually thought I was his date. I guess this was the first time he gets to meet his date face to face. He even had a picture of his date and I managed to lie that apparently ‘I had trouble getting dates because I was a dragonborn’ or something and he fell for it. We even waltzed, by the way. It was fake and magical at the same time.

Cue my sister telling me to roll for perception (I think it was). I made a good roll and I found out that “my” date was absolutely smitten. Crap.

Then he leads me away from the crowd and to this huge fancy window which shows a starry night and a bright full moon. I already had a bad feeling about it and turns out I was right. He was gonna confess that he likes me or was about to when a waiter came over to give him a letter.

A letter from his actual date who was apparently too sick to come.

While he was reading it out loud, I pulled a Cinderella and snuck the hell out of there and to a nearby fire exit which led outside. My sister added that I accidentally dropped my lock picking kit, which had my initials engraved on it, which my date picked up. And kept. Yeah. It turned into the world’s stupidest Cinderella story.

But wait, it gets stupider.

I managed to reach the inn where my party was. I told them a bit of what happened, leaving the date out because no you did NOT need to know about that. I get my fingers patched up, have dinner and hit the sack but before I do, I chat with my estranged family via this crystal ball (borrowed from one of my groupmates) that my sister came up as the verse’s version of a phone.

Anyway, I tell them what happened again leaving out the date part. Apparently, there have been missing person’s reports and rumors about this secret place where they serve people to the guest. You can guess where this is going.

So, I gave my dad, who was head of the investigation, the number that I got, which apparently belonged to a crime boss, I think. He said his thanks and we parted. I hit the sack.

So the next day, I read the paper. So, the place got invaded by my dad’s forces. A lot of people either died or got arrested. Few managed to escape. One of those that escaped was Enyo, who, thanks to my sister’s adlib, was apparently a dark paladin of Tiamat. I used to be an acolyte of Bahamut, her enemy, before I dropped out.

Unfortunately, the plot was so good, it needed to be continued. And that’s how we accidentally made a trial session into a full on session. All because I accidentally seduced the Right Hand Man of the Final Boss my sister was planning.

At the start of a new campaign, it’s our first fight. We’re escorting a merchant caravan when we are attacked by kobalds.

Bard:*fires an arrow at one of the kobalds in front of the paladin*

*arrow misses*

Bard: FUCK

Paladin (me): *nongeographical accent* Poor song man. This is how we do in my country. *slams morning star into inside head and kills it with one hit*

Rogue: OUR PALADIN IS RUSSIAN?!?!

Monk: Can Russians even be paladins?

At the start of a new campaign, it’s our first fight. We’re escorting a merchant caravan when we are attacked by kobalds.

Bard:*fires an arrow at one of the kobalds in front of the paladin*

*arrow misses*

Bard: FUCK

Paladin (me): *nongeographical accent* Poor song man. This is how we do in my country. *slams morning star into inside head and kills it with one hit*

Rogue: OUR PALADIN IS RUSSIAN?!?!

Monk: Can Russians even be paladins?