“Would you care to purchase..?”


(Background: This was a brand-new Pathfinder campaign, and none of us had played together before. There were 4 players, respectively playing a rogue, a bloodrager, a fighter-type, and an oracle. The rogue and the oracle had never played Pathfinder or DnD before. Our characters were all at a festival to start and the GM went around the table to ask what we were doing.)

GM: “<Rogue’s player> what is your character doing?”

Rogue (OOC): “Well….I’m kind of a snake oil salesman…I guess I’m looking for someone to sell something to.”

GM: “Ok, roll Perception to see if you can spot someone likely.”

– Rogue proceeds to roll decently –

GM: “Okay, you spot this merchant dude with a little kid…could be his daughter or granddaughter.”

Rogue (IC): “Good afternoon, goodsir! May I interest you in any of my rare and exclusive items today?”

GM: “The merchant looks vaguely interested, and graciously acknowledges you with a little bow.”

Rogue: “Ah, I see you are accompanied by your daughter! I happen to have here a wonderfully rare communications device! It appears to resemble an ordinary brick, but after a few weeks your little daughter will be able to send written communications to her friends, merely by tapping a few select areas upon it’s surface!”

– The rest of the table starts losing it at this point – 

GM (trying not to choke on laughter): “He seems very interested, and says ‘Ah, so it requires an attunement period! How much, my good man?’ ”

Rogue: “Goodsir, this item is extremely rare and valuable. However, I see you are a man of perception and education! For you, I will sell this item for the low, low price of 500 gold!”

GM: “450 gold!”

Rogue: “453 gold.”

GM: “Done! He now takes the brick and hands it to the child, who is very excited.”

– Everyone loses it entirely as we realize the rogue has successfully sold a brick as a cellphone –